Experiencing The Last Holidays With My Foot Before Saying Goodbye Forever

I am in a unique situation where I get to decide if I will continue with unproductive surgeries or electively amputate my left foot. Being afforded this luxury, I took my foot on a tour of the things it will never experience again after amputation.

In the last year before my elective amputation, I got to celebrate my foot with each holiday as its last. Much like imminent death, my family and I took the time to grieve and fully understand the process of loss. The loss of my foot was constantly on my mind with every family gathering, birthday and holiday.

Feeling All Of The Seasons Before My Foot Will Never Feel Again

During this year of saying goodbye to my foot before amputation, I took my shoes off to feel the seasons in their entirety! I felt the snow and ice on my foot. I felt the green, spring grass so cool and crisp. I still remember the feeling of the hot concrete of summer on my broken dislocated foot. I made sure to close my eyes and fully appreciate whatever feeling I was experiencing at the time.

Understanding My Chronic Foot Pain In order To Say Goodbye

Along with feeling the seasons, I also pushed my foot to remind myself why I am choosing elective amputation over more surgeries. I walked and tried to run to feel the pain of the broken ankle. I went to the park and for a long walk with my family on my knee scooter to feel the frustration of not being able to participate. In tears, I sat on the bench at the museum to watch my kids play. In order to process saying goodbye to my foot before amputation, I needed to understand the good and the bad.

No Regrets After Saying Goodbye To My Foot Before Amputation

Because I was able to effectively feel the positive and negative feelings of saying goodbye to my foot before amputation, I have no regrets! I do not know what is going to happen after my amputation. Will my life be better? Will I have worse pain? I don’t know. But what I do know is that I have done my research, I have processed all my feelings and I am ready to conquer the next chapter of my life!

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